he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
