I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
