Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I need a burrito and a hug.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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