Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
is it fun? or sober?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
