I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
