Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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