I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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