This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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