i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
