So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
