Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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