I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
