Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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