Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
