on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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