It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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