You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
