We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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