Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
