Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
