It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
