Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
