I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
