just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize