dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
