You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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