He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
