I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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