Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
