We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
