Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
