Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
