he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
