im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
