Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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