my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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