im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
