Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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