Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
