Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
