i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
