At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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