I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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