I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
