If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
