i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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