I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Too much gin, very little bucket
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
