Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
