census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
