You're my little dorito
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
