Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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