So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
