He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My dick has a subreddit
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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