The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
