i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
