Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
