I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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