I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
