You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
