I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
