i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
