happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
