she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
