with your own penis?
Apparently you make a good broom.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
