Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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