I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
