im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
