Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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