she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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