You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
