i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
